Friday, March 18, 2011

Is this a Query You Sent Me?

I do hope that no one's feelings are hurt by me posting this, but I feel like I have a duty to educate. Or perhaps I'm in the mood for a small lecture. This morning I opened my law firm e-mail to find what, for all intents and purposes, I think was supposed to be a query to me as an agent. (Sent to the wrong e-mail address...Deep breath) Where do I start? ...for the sake of brevity I will get to the point and post the redacted e-mail and my answer. I don't know if this e-mail was sent out to a mass of agents, or if I was the lone lucky recipient, who unfortunately has a conscience. But I seriously doubt that any of my savvy counterparts would take the time to even finish reading this letter.

I should have just deleted it, as most of my colleagues would, and tried to keep on schedule, since I have a thing or two to attend to today...but I didn't. I painfully read through the e-mail and when I got to the end of it, I sat there. Looking at the screen wishing I had gonged it sooner, debating with myself on my course of action.

Strangely enough, It bothered me a little bit to receive something of such poor caliber. If you know me, you'll know that I'm a fairly patient person. Things of business nature seldom bother me, unless I've encountered a grave injustice or someone crosses me. But a query will normally not have such effects on me. However, this THING was something so poorly constructed, unedited, and obviously written by someone that I will not disparage (because I'm still above such things), but evidently this individual is "not ready" to be querying anyone.

I have tons more to say on this subject, but unfortunately this is hardly the forum for a query 101 lecture. Although I will seriously consider putting together a workshop and using this letter as what not to do. If I haven't lost you yet, please read on.

">Marisa Corvisiero:
>
> Hi, let me introduce myself my name is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I am 37 years old some say I look
>23 and I am so called writing a paper back book I called xxxxxxxxxxxxx Publishing located xxxxxx Ave
>Manhattan, Ny xxxxxxxxxx Publishing phone number xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I talk with a person from
>xxxxxxxxxx Publishing about printing a book up I am writing and I was referred to the Writer's Market
>to look up an agent I got your email from the L. Perkins web site we am in the process of making
>a book my manuscript is in shambles in a real ruff draft the compositions I am working on need to
>be put in a book format is there any one you know that have a critique on formatting a manuscript
>for a general adult book I looked at a paper back novel made by Patricia D. Cornwell called
>Body of Evidence ISBN 0-38071701-8.
>
>I liked the way the paper back is made with the author picture is in the back of the novel I like my
>book in at format like the body of evidence I am not a fast reader of read a lot so when I decided
>to write down my compositions I decide to put my compositions in a book format that's how
>I got started writing my adult general book in a lyric compositions I don't know how cash advancement
>go when a person is writing a book I like to get my book printed up and sold on the market I may
>have 40 pages 50 letter by 30 line available I am looking to have at least a 100 page paper back
>I don't have a title for the paper back yet.
>
>I am a new writer and the compositions I am working on could be turned into other opportunities
>I do live in Chicago I am looking for a contact person with connections that can make it possible to
>market and sell the paper back book in Chicago.
>
>also, here is my email xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and you can all so reply by mail.
>I like to consult with you Mrs./Ms. Marisa Corvisiero as soon as possible."


So judge for your self. What is he asking for? An agent? or someone to edit his book, or is he fishing for information about the industry? I don't know, but I felt that if he is contacting an agent he should learn how to do that. And if he needs someone to fix an unfinished manuscript that is in "shambles" he should find someone to edit it. Not me. Below is my contrived response.

"Dear xxxxxx,

It is great that you have so much initiative, but it seems that you need to learn a bit about how the industry works. The answer on who can help you critique your work is complicated. If you are almost done and need help cleaning it up you, should hire an editor. But you can join writer's groups where your peers can offer a lot of helpful advice. I would suggest attending a local writer's conference. I'm sure that you will learn a lot there and meet many people with your same questions.

Having said that, an agent is not the right person to contact at this juncture. I don't think that your work is ready for querying, but when you query an agent, you need to tell them what your book is about, what genre you would classify it under, is it fiction or non fiction, who is the audience, and how many words it contains. 85K is usually the magic number for fiction, though genres and the age of your audience may allow it to be a bit shorter or longer. (not too much longer)

If your book is a work of fiction, you should should have a finished manuscript before you start to query agents. First you research the agent and if they are open to unsolicited queries you send them the query letter with a sample of your work (as long they normally request). This information is normally listed in the Writer's Digest guide or the agent's website. If your work is non-fiction, you don't need a finished manuscript and can submit a proposal for the work with a sample of the first chapter or so. Again, each agent has different preferences.

So do your homework, and whatever you do, don't send out queries with as many errors as the one you sent to me. Pay attention to your spelling and punctuation. And be sure that the info you provide is relevant to your book and your experience alone. Irrelevant info and poor writing on this letter will form a negative opinion of you and you will not find representation.

Lastly, If you are sure that you want to limit your market to Chicago, you should explain why. But as a caveat, know that limiting the geographic availability of a book limits sales (not usually done by publishers). You should reword that statement to say that you think that it will sell well in chicago and indicate why.

I hope that you find this to be helpful. Best of Luck!"


I know, there was so much more to be said. But I don't know if the writer will get it and/or be hurt by it. So I decided to just offer guidance and left the rest of the objections unaddressed in hope that if he is interested enough to be published, he will learn what he needs to know. And that's the end of this post...I already spent way too much time on this.

~ Marisa

52 comments:

  1. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. What a mess. Can you imagine what his/her book looks like? YIKES!!

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  2. I hope this writer is grateful for the time you took to address his query. I know that most agents have little time to respond to queries and provide feedback, even the well written ones, and in some cases a letter like this would be posted and mocked, rather than handled with kindness. Kudos to you. If I ever do use the services of an agent, I hope I can find one as admirable and respectful as you.

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  3. Marisa,
    You were WAY too kind in your response! I honestly feel that the "query" was not a real letter of any kind but rather a joke - a terrible, terrible joke. Upon further consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the letter you received was written on a dare of some kind. Unbelievably, my mouth is still open from my original GASP I took after reading the first 2 sentences.
    ~Lisa Katz

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  4. I feel better now with my query :)

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  5. Wow. Maybe it wasn't for real? If it was, I feel bad for this person. I think you took the higher road by giving him guidance even though we who are familiar with the business know it should've garnered no response.

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  6. Wow.

    Marisa, you are an extremely kind, patient person. It is clear this person has done no homework. It almost reads like a spam email. Maybe the person's first language is not English?

    Either way, you went above and beyond by responding and offering helpful suggestions and solutions.

    Maybe in few years this person will be on one of those "I am so embarrassed. I did everything wrong" blog posts.

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  7. What a fortunate writer, to have received that response.

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  8. Holy. Moses. Please allow me to say that it is incomprehensible to me that someone would send a letter like this. If he believes his letter is strong enough to send but admits his (incomplete) work is "in shambles"? *shudders* There just aren't words.

    You were incredibly kind to respond with so much more than a form letter. I hope he'll take your advice sincerely and in the spirit intended.

    While I hope I never write a letter that ends up posted somewhere as a model of what not to do, I certainly understand the value of having such a letter available.

    Thanks for the post!

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  9. Was this a joke maybe? You are a very nice person to take the time to respond.

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  10. I think you handled that very well. You could have been very nasty in your response, but instead you chose to encourage him to learn more about how this works. Then you gave suggestions on how he could actually do that.

    No matter how he takes this response, I feel you were very kind while maintaining your professionalism.

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  11. Oh...my...word. I'm just in shock and awe - both at the original email (horrified s&a) and your thoughtful, considerate response (awestruck, reverent S&A hehe). It's your consideration and care that makes me want you so badly as an agent. :)

    You rock, Ms. Corvisiero!

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  12. In this case, a writer has dreams but little else, a story to tell but not the wherewithal to convey it. Truly, my heart breaks for this person. It is sad and not at all humorous. I am willing to bet people are not giving this writer the truth when asked to give an opinion of his or her writing.

    Your advice was great though. Good job. Not condescending or crabby. Helpful and not hurtful.

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  13. Thanks for posting this, especially the list of what a real query should contain. I'm constructing my first query and appreciate your concise list of what to cover. This letter made it pretty clear what not to cover too. Glad the link came from my writing group.

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  14. You were very kind and diplomatic in your response. I give you many kudos for that.

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  15. Wow, Marisa. I'm amazed at your kind and generous response. +1 for good karma!

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  16. Hello Ms Corvisiero,

    I felt your pain when you finished reading the entire query letter. I stumbled several times when I composed my first query letter and began sending it out. The process of researching the proper format, reading agent’s blogs/websites, and reading many books on crafting a query letter opened my eyes and inspired me to redraft my letter (Ok times almost fifty times).

    Your advice of joining a writer’s critique group (in your genre) that accepts query letters for analysis should be taken to heart by first time writers. I found that many of the members of my group were published authors or writers who were asked to submit a full or partial manuscript.

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  17. Found you through another blogger - Christine. Super sweet of you. Great response.

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  18. Great and insightful post! As an AE I get some odd query letters, too. New writers need to approach it as a professional letter. And you're right--do some dang research! :-)

    I have examples of query letters on my blog to help new writers. There is a ton of info on writing a professional query on the Internet.

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  19. I wonder if English was his first language. It seems like it isn't.You're response was lovely and kind! The letter made me uncomfortable reading it. You earned extra nice karma for responding.

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  20. It seems like maybe English is a second (or maybe third) language to the author of this letter. I have to say I felt a little sad just reading it, writing a query is complicated enough in a native tongue. I'm glad you responded and didn't just delete it.

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  21. I can't believe I'm the first to comment! I just want to commend you on having a big heart. You're wonderful! Well done!

    Kathleen (your newest follower)

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  22. I also found information about you on the L. Perkins website.

    We have the same blog!

    It was beyond generous for you to answer the above query, by the way. :)

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  23. Yes, you spent way to much time trying to help someone. That is not a bad thing. It can't happen all the time or it will eat you - but you showed kindness to a very strange clueless person and that should get double brownie points in karma. Someday, out of the blue, someone will come to help you at some moment of need and you can simply say - thank you. You earned it today! Grin.

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  24. That was a really kind and helpful reply, Marisa. Not many people would take the time to help someone out like that (even though you'd think the guy would already know it or at least put more effort into his query. I'm guessing English isn't his first language by some of the sentence structures. Hopefully, for his sake, he uses your advice.)

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  25. You're a nicer person than I am. I cant believe these kind of things really get sent, but maybe they will make the well written queries stand out.

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  26. Frankly, I'm astonished that you even replied to this email. I don't know which made me goggle at the screen more - the "query" or the fact that you responded.

    Still, I have to give you a gold star for taking the time out of your day to respond while most other agents would (understandably) just hit "delete." Makes me sad you're closed to queries!

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  27. I am glad you took the time to answer in a very postive and friendly manner. We know nothing of this person or their mental compacity. I agree with something someone else said. I think people are not giving this person constructive feedback, if this person has recieved any at all.

    Writing and publishing is a scary world and it takes great courage to get the never to ask questions or submit yourself and your work to others.

    Kudos to you Marissa. I know your time is short and dear, but what you said this this person makes a difference in their life.

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  28. I think you said it perfectly. I honestly wonder if this letter was a joke. The guy sounded foreign. Maybe. I'm shaking my head.

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  29. In this day and age of rudeness and snark, its nice to see someone who still thinks that manners and chivalry are relevant. Thank you for being kind and informative.
    Michelle

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  30. In this day of rudeness and snark, its's nice to see someone who thinks manners are relevant. Thank you for being kind and informative.
    Michelle

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  31. Your email was a very kind and educational response. I suspect this individual might benefit from some Simonesque, "You should never write again," type of counsel. Whoops- maybe that is too harsh...no, I don't think so. Thanks for sharing.

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  32. Wow. I would not have even responded more than one line of "no" if I were in your shoes!

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  33. Wow, I stumbled on your blog quite by accident and I have to say what you did for that person sets you head and shoulders above many agents in my eyes. I have no idea what you rep, but I'll be putting you at the top of my query list next go around if you're a match. Also, I work with attorneys. That makes it all the more impressive. ;)

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  34. This sounds like something that should be on SlushPile Hell! I'm impressed you took the time to send a decent reply. Way to be.

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  35. I honestly don't believe he'll understand your response, for various reasons I won't go into. Maybe your time was waited on him, but it taught many of us what not to do when querying. Thank you.

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  36. I can't believe you not only took the time to read this, but actually replied to it instead of sending it the the large cyberspace trash can in the sky.it also somehow doesn't seem fair that a, I hate to call them a writer, was able to get your time and attention. Many of use have been waiting patently for months to query you because of your "Marisa has temporarily suspended acceptance of unsolicited QUERIES" notice.

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  37. I appreciate the time you spent for this clueless person. I've just written a children's book, but I am an absolute beginner and only just learned what a query letter is. I don't know how to get this book published. Thanks for the advice.

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  38. Marisa,

    You were very kind to take time and write a response to this individual.

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  39. Marisa: I believe this is real. I know enough people to believe it. Your gentle reply stuns me, but, you know, I treat most people very much as you did, especially ones who "need some gentle help". I'd applaud your kindness if I were present live and in-person when you did this, and I hope I don't come off as insincere when I say that. I have a larger point, relating to this: I've sent out many queries and haven't found an agent, yet, but after reading this, I'm a bit embarrassed to think that many of my queries were wasting the valuable time of all those agents. I see the complaints and frustration about the process from the author's side, but there doesn't seem a workable way to minimize the slush avalanche that I know I've contributed to.

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  40. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  41. Sloppy, unorganized letters such as this sad display of random thoughts and inner thoughts put on paper makes it that much harder for a person seeking representation that does have some great work who is trying to get noticed that much harder. You show a lot of patience and respect for trying to guide him in the right direction

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  42. Well done! He obviously was looking for help and it was obvious he needed it. I thought what you did was wonderful.

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  43. Oh wow. I felt like I didn't want to finish reading it and I'm not even an agent! Very kind of you to give a reply to that.

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  44. I do believe I know what this individual was asking for- perhaps a desperate plea to save him from the depths of despair in the world of Illiteracy.... I am new to your blog, but I now have a great idea of the person and the professional you are. Great response!

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  45. The fact that you not only finished reading that e-mail but also replied to it is amazing. That tells me you are a professional.

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  46. Hi Marissa, you response was completely appropriate. The fact that you took the time to explain to the writer why their query letter did not work is mark of professional.

    It's not easy to correct spelling, grammatical errors, and in general, sentence structure. If this person is truly gifted and wishes to learn, they will take your advice to heart and do everything possible to become a better writer.

    Thank you for sharing.

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  47. Kind of amusing... a little sad, too, for some reason... this person loves to write, just doesn't connect thoughts well (not to mention a poor grasp of the industry)... I may have been the same way on the way-back... I saw a bit of me in there, SOMEwhere... lol...

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  48. Alas, such is the life of an agent, dealing with a myriad of mangled missives masquerading as query letters! Here (here, being my imagination) are three responses from other agents offering their insights as to why a query letter failed:

    "'To whom it may concern' no longer works at this agency: we fired him/her years ago."

    "You propose to write a novel that is 'somewhere between Gone with the Wind and The Little Engine that Could.' Frankly, my dear, I don't think you can, I don't think you can, I don't think you can."

    "Gee, what a fascinating coffee stain on the lower left-hand corner of the letter…would that be Mocha Java or Sumatra?"

    'nuff said!

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  49. That is quite possibly the worst query letter I've ever seen. It reminds me of one that was posted on AW, mimicking all of the things a writer could possibly do wrong in a query, and mashing it all into one horrifying letter.

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